So now I've given you an account of my crazy holidays, but there was a lot more going on in the background. As cheesy as it is to say, christmas and new years gave me lots of time to reflect on my life and everything else. I don't really know where to begin, I try to avoid putting more personal things in these blogs since it is on the internet, but I feel like most of the people reading this are all friends and if you're interested enough to still be reading this then I probably wouldn't mind telling you anyway.
2012 was definitely a crazy and important year in my life. I definitely went through a lot; learned a lot, changed a lot -I think- and now I'm really happy where my life is, I'm also in awe of it. I never thought I'd be out here in Spain to be quite honest, I dreamed about it since high school but you never believe such fantasies which actually come true. For this I have to thank my mother to no end. She has been the biggest influence and help in my life, I will definitely say that if it weren't for her, I would never be here. Even when I got accepted into the Go Global Exchange Program I was still uncertain and honestly just scared.
The whole process of this exchange has definitely been a learning experience, I had to work hard to get accepted into it, then when I was, I was scared shitless. Then came the pain in the ass paperwork process and everything else required to prepare myself for this experience. It was definitely a lot of work starting from the moment I got accepted up until I got settled into Granada. To be honest, Spain still challenges me, but in the best of ways, it has definitely tested my patience, my flexibility, my durability, my strength, my limits. I've only been here for about 4 months and already this place has taught me so much. To be honest I don't know how and if I have changed, it's a very hard thing to see from the inside, but I'd like to think I have, in some way or another. I will probably never have another experience like this in my life. Being a student in a foreign country such as Spain is an experience like none other, it really is the best of all worlds. And I am just so, so grateful that I got this opportunity. Part of me was always scared that I'd get trapped into a life, stuck in one place, always the same routine.. And like me, I'm sure a lot of people have dreamed about 'escaping' or changing their life, but for some people, it just doesn't happen, so I am so lucky that it happened for me. I don't want to get too sappy or whatever, but when I look back on how my life has changed and where I am now, I am nothing but appreciative and thankful that this is my life.
But this exchange hasn't been the only big change or challenge in my life this year. 2nd semester of 2nd year was a lot of work, it really tested my ability to work, to achieve, and to balance my life. I met and maintained so many amazing friendships this year, I can't even imagine what my life would be like without some of them. If nothing else, this year has taught me how important friendships are, people can really change your life. But above all, and yes now I'll get into more of the sappy crap, for the first time, I 'fell in love', even typing it makes my cringe at the cliché-ness but it's true.. well I'm no expert on love, so I can't really call it such a thing but it's the best, closest thing I've found thus far to 'love'. I never really believed that a relationship or that another person could actually make you that happy, but hey, what did I know. I never thought I could or would want to be so attached to another person, it kinda scared me to be honest. But it was amazing. So yeah, that's about all I'm going to say about that.
On the other side, I also felt real heartbreak for the first time. It was just as powerful and scary as being in a relationship. As most of you know, it wasn't really a heartbreak by choice but more by circumstance. Still horrible none the less. To be honest, I still don't really know how to completely get over something like that, but -again very cliché- time really was the only answer, just time. Had to let it go bit by bit, move on with my life, as one must, you know.. Of course things still remind me of him and he still crosses my mind from time to time, but it's gotten a lot easier. Although, the holidays did stir up a lot of emotions, but for the better I think. Being in Malaga and Glasgow gave me a lot of time to think, I had a lot of time alone with my thoughts and my emotions, many of which I have been more or less neglecting for awhile. At first when I got to Spain I just through myself into everything to distract myself and it definitely helped, this place is beautiful and I didn't want to waste a minute of this amazing experience. But then when the holiday season hit, the city became all Christmasy and all the couples could be seen wandering the streets together, etc. It made me miss home, miss him, miss everything from before.. but that wasn't my life anymore and I needed to actually accept that. So, finally, when I had all that time alone to think and deal with myself, I just let myself drown in my thoughts, in everything I had been neglecting and burying inside. I know that sounds a little ridiculous or whatever, but I finally just had to clear out my mind, let go of everything I had been holding on to, and finally just find a place of peace and acceptance. I'm sure this must all sound like a bunch of jibberish but there it is.
Since coming to Spain, I've made some great friendships but also met a lot of really great people who were in my life for only a short period of time, travel can be great and kinda hard that way. Sometimes great people come into your life but are only passing through. I will actually admit that I was sad to see some of the Americans go at the end of the semester. I did become pretty close with a few of them and saying goodbye was pretty hard. A couple of them are coming back for 2nd semester though which I have to say I am so happy about. There will be more awful goodbyes in February when my ERASMUS friends finish their first semester, I'm not really sure how many of them will be around for the second one, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I've met a lot of interesting people this year, they've all taught me a lot. I now know that they like to eat Reindeer in Finland, how to say some swear words in slavic languages, how to be independent and have self worth, that not all southerners are unworldly, and how to appreciate experiences and life as it comes. Since being here I have adopted the outlook of 'cuando en españa, por qué no?' aka 'when in Spain, why not?'
I met a guy right at the end of the semester, another person who was just passing through, he taught me a lot about a lot of things, and I'm sad to say he's now half way back to his own country. But that's just how life is, sometimes things and situations aren't ideal or logical or clear cut, you just have to take the experiences as they come and that's it.
I don't want all of you lovely people back in North America to think I've forgotten about you though, I really do miss you all, I wish you could all be out here experiencing this with me, in a perfect world, you'd all be here so I could have both worlds together, but that's not how life works. Sadly. But you can't dwell on such things. So until I return, I shall miss you all, keep in touch as much as I can, but also enjoy everything that's right here in front of me. In the words of Ferris Bueller "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it."
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